Soda Cans.

I just had some rum and coke. I drank it with Pavel Roudenko. It was his rum. Captain Morgan, to be precise. That's the best type of rum. For those who are unaware (idiots), Captain Morgan was a great man. He was better than Blackbeard. Better than Captain Hook! I would say he was better than Jack Sparrow, but that would just be a lie. Jack Sparrow could beat Chuck Norris. Easily. Speaking of Blackbeard, I think he would have been better had his name been been BlackBeer! Then he'd be even more badass! I think it's funny that I just randomly mentioned Jack Sparrow and Blackbeard in the same sentence because both of them are in the next Pirates of the Caribbean movie! I can't wait for that! Hands down the best movie series of all time. And that's all because of Johnny Depp's amazing acting...

Penelope Cruz is in the next movie as well. Can you say HOT? Because I can! I don't know why the ability to say a 3-letter word is relevant to this situation, but whatever... deal with it. Back to my original point....

I had a rum and Coke (should Coke be capitalized, because I was actually drinking Coca-Cola brand cola, and not some stupid, unworthy imitation?... I think so. Anyway...) To drink this rum and Coke I had to open a can of Coke (naturally)! So, of course, the fact that I have to open it is made excruciatingly difficult by the fact that I have no nails and the "pop-top" is pressed deep down into the top of the can. Trouble. That made me wonder; why hasn't good, old, brilliant America thought up a way to make opening cans easier? I mean, yeah, we have can openers... but those are for legit cans.... The cans that homeless people mass order on their homeless person internet - or however else they get their food, how should I know? - and the cans that are sealed shut and impossible to open unless you smash them on a rock... which is more useless than having Christopher Reeves as a doorman, simply because no one wants to eat canned food off a dirty rock, just like no one wants to have a dead paraplegic guy in a wheelchair opening a door for them while he claims to be Superman. Too soon? I don't know, ask Heath Ledger. Oh yeah, never mind....

Point is, soda cans are way too difficult to open for us normal, male humans who don't have obnoxiously long fingernails. Made me wonder, what possible inventions could there be to make life so much easier when one simply wants to enjoy the simple pleasure of canned liquid sugar? And I had revelation! An epiphany! (Wait for it...) Why not GOOGLE it!? So I Googled it. And turns out those genius drunk Europeans have already figured out a way to fix this simple problem! They added a dent. Yes. A dent. They added a dent right below the flattened-ellipsis-shape-with-a-line-through-it thing that opens all soda cans. And VOILA! Anyone can open a can of soda with ease! Amazing.

NOTE: I didn't actually Google this phenomenon, but I was bored in class one day and was on Stumbleupon and it led me to this picture. And I fell in love.